The Bark

Sobrato’s Dress Code

Lauren Akin

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Summer is finally here and that means it is time to cover up. Don’t worry girls, the finger tip length is now gone and all shorts and pants have to go to your ankles, or else you will be considered scandalous. We are still living in the 1800s, so make sure your calves don’t show. According to the news, woman’s calves cause people to turn into ferocious beasts who can’t control their hormones. So just think about what your lower thighs can do to these weak hormonal people. Thankfully, our school has adjusted our rules in terms of this breaking news. The last thing that we want for our school district is to be on the news, again.

Also, yoga pants are now banned because the the school does not want you to be comfortable. The school advisors want school to be as uncomfortable as possible so it can simulate a job in the real world. Yoga pants show off way too much of the body, and tight dresses and pencil skirts will show less. We should instead wear track uniforms and swimsuits because they show less of your body. Yoga pants are completely inappropriate, hands down, and should not be allowed at this school. Yoga pants are not meant for comfort, they are meant for showing off parts of your body that no one should ever see, ever.

Of course, boys don’t need to be dress coded. They should not be addressed about wearing half-naked women on their shirts because it shows off their personality and masculinity. Who cares if the rules of California’s Educational Board state that clothing cannot have anything doing with drugs, sex, or alcohol on it? We can’t limit the boys’ First Amendment rights, because that is wrong. They have a right to wear whatever they want even if it offends people. But girls wearing short shorts is absolutely more offensive than a derogatory phrase written on a shirt.

Sagging pants is also more appropriate than shorts that actually cover your underwear. We all are extremely interested in the boxers or briefs you are wearing. However you better watch out because girls might have their hormones overtake them and they won’t be able to control themselves. We don’t want another ridiculous rule limiting boys because girls can’t control themselves.

In the end we should just have uniforms because we all need to conform. Individuality is for the weak.

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Sobrato’s Dress Code